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desperate for changing/starving for truth-LIFEHOUSE! [31 Jul 2001|03:44pm]

[ mood | restless ]

subject sonita slept over last night and it was really fun...we watched miss congeniality outside and then we watched thelma and louise and ate ice cream (my god brad pitt is soooo hot in that movie...i never even found him that attractive...but with tight jeans and no shirt...) then we watched some music videos (and made fun of most of them)...after that there was some weird porno from the 70s on encore-basically these two people were getting it on while watching tv, but the people on the tv started watching them getting it on-it was like someone's acid trip or something, and it probably makes sense to no one except me and sonita, but oh well...we stayed up to 4:30 or 5 and we didnt wake up till noon...it was fun.

except, well, i am still trying to get over this whole isaac ordeal, and it's soo odd because i don't have anyone to take his place. at first i got over our actual "relationship," if you could even call it that, and i still don't think i regret any of it, and then i recently started dealing with the fact that he was going out with ashley, and slowly i realized some of his faults...

but last night sonita brought up the fact that maybe he was using me, which im sure all of my friends were trying to tell me (or they assumed i already knew that), but its weird how i could only realize something like that in hindsight (like major hindsight..i went out with him soo long ago)...it's just so strange to see things from a totally different perspective. plus, sonita says that even though isaac and ashley are gross, they still make a pretty good couple, which isn't helping the fact that i'm trying to get over him. i am starting to realize some of his MANY drawbacks, but i still want to be his friend. so many times when my parents were being retarded or when i was having a bad day, he cheered me up. there were times when he wasn't there, but he was there when it really mattered...i think. it's so hard to feel two conflicting emotions about someone at the same time...i just think they dislike will eventually prevail, but i hope not to the point where i don't want to be his friend, but how can i be his friend right now when this whole ashley thing is in the way?....and plus there aren't any guys to take his place.....damnit i need to stop analyzing so much!!!!!

moving on....this whole situation, and a bunch of other things, have been making me feel like i really need to rebel, or strike out, or whatever....i feel the need to randomly hook up with guys, or pierce my navel, or get drunk off my ass, or do something wild. i am so horny and so restless and i need to get out of my house!

those lyrics really describe what im feeling-even tho the rest of the song would have no corellation whatsoever...lol

P.S. jon bon jovi is sooooo sexy even if he is 39. if u havent seen it, u must watch is concert special on vh1-all i can say is NICE PANTS!


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Aw hell [27 Jul 2001|07:27pm]

[ mood | worried ]

Lets pretend that was never posted

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I DIDN'T DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [26 Jul 2001|09:44pm]

[ mood | happy ]

Haha, yay! Ok, first of all, I forgot to mention that Tim called me on Sunday! Tim is this guy that I've been e-mailing for a while, and it was cool to talk to him. He's like a combination of Emily when she's rambling about caramelized hands (Emily, what WAS that about?) and Eugene when he and I are pretending to be deep. It was very fun to talk to him, but I had to go see Final Fantasy, and left shortly. (Hey, it was actually was an ok movie Em. Altho I didn't pay A LOT of attention to.)

NEway, yes lack of crashing and burning and dying a horrible death!!!! I HAVE MY PERMIT! Scary thought. I've improved...didn't do great, but improved.

And at work, I didn't hear Faith Hill! It was country, but it wasn't blatantly country...there were some jazzy undertones to it. I went down to service for 2 hours tho. :) I saw myself in 10 years, it was amusing. The girl I file papers for down there, Suzy, is always perky and upbeat. Today she was talking to her friend on the phone, who was crying, and she was trying to help, and the person was not listening. Yep, that'll be me-only not in Jack Trebour Ford.

And then I went to the mall w/ Elizabeth which was a lot of fun. (GIRL TIME! yay!) And I was her partner in crime and she bought her poster and I'll give it to her later, secretly. ::insert evil laugh here:: And yes, funess! I'd say more but I've gotta go to bed, so adios everyone!

P.s. notice, lack of mentioning a certain letter all thru this entry!

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HOLY CANOLI! [25 Jul 2001|03:47pm]

[ mood | scared ]

I just got a letter from Ariel!!!! She's my pen pal who was friends w/ Elizabeth b4 Eliz moved here and hasn't written to me in I dont know how long! Anyway, I haven't update in forever....so I'm going to try and squish it all into one little journal entry...

Thursday: Went to work, filed, duh, pondered how stupid the phrase "how are u" is. (I mean really, what if I said not so good? Do u think they really care HOW I AM? No, I dont think so! Ok, anyway! :)) Not much else that I can remember.

Friday: More sign language fun, altho Michael was being bad which is the first time I've ever seen him like that. I took pictures of everyone which I hope to have put up on my website eventually. Left my camera there tho. Then went to see Cats and Dogs w/ Elizabeth and Rachel (which is great cuz I haven't seen either of them in a while.) I really dont know if that movie sucked or not. There were some high points (the 3 of us laughing when no one else was) and the plot was good....I guess it just wasn't for me. Then at night, since Pete was so great (Pete, if ure reading this THANK YOU and I LUV YOU! and tell ure dad I luv him too.) and gave us rides, the guys (Eugene, Eric, Pete, and later Clark) and I went mini-golfing. It was fun, we went on the driving range, went on the course, and eventually ate ice-cream. (Altho mine had little blue things on it...very suspicious.) I also liked looking at the stars w/ Pete, he's a really great person. Now if only I could work on those PDAs....

Saturday: Made my teeth all shiny bright! In other words, we went to the dentist. Sadly, Emily, she did not give me any guy advice, but she did tell me a story about her blind friend married to his wife who couldn't smell. He went into the fridge and smelled something bad but couldn't see it, and she couldn't smell it but could see...quite enthralling. Went to church, went to bbsit the Smarths (4 dollars an hour, poo! But its $ all the same) till 2 in the morning. Oh, and somewhere in there I saw Eugene's band's website. Anyone who hasn't seen it yet:
www.listen.to/njok.com (I think)

Sunday: Went to the pool w/ Eesh for my sister Katy's b-day party. It was cool, altho her friends scare me a little (was I ever that young and teeny-bopperish?) I had a fun time, and later I saw Elizabeth there, which was great! Mucho amusement. Later that night I went to see Final Fantasy w/ Eugene. It might have been a good movie, I'm really not sure. When I was paying attention, I was confused. The animation was amazing tho.

Monday: Deaf school and then ::scary music:: driving lessons! AH!!! I am a BAD driver!!! My teacher, Mrs. Carol Brown, is an old, more or less easy-going lady, but makes me sooooo nervous! I could not even turn! And I ran over the curb twice and I'm just not used to how the car responds to how I turn the wheel or brake. She just says, you have to get used to it. I agree, but how do I do that w/o practice??? 6 hours is much too nerve-racking for me. But I did better on.......

Tuesday: I at least could turn the corners. I got my permit all ready, so I'm hoping I won't need more than 6 hrs like she said I might need. We haven't been on Route 10 yet, but I know we don't need to do that till the last day. (PLEASE dont make me go on Route 80!) My last day is tomorrow (thursday). I went to work as usual, where more ppl asked me "how are u" and I pondered some more how silly that question is unless u sincerely want to know the answer. Not much else, save for some of that sh*t from b4 coming back juuuuuuuuust a little. But not too badly.

Wednesday: Today! :) Not much happened today. Went to the deaf school as usual and it was disgustingly hot! No a/c!! :( But on the upside, one of our in-class caterpillars made a chyrsallis (yay! And I can sign that!) so maybe they'll become butterfly's b4 school ends. And Michael said the sweetest thing today. I asked hiim how he was (haha, ok so I'm a hypocrite) and he said "umm.....happy!" I thought that was the sweetest thing I have ever heard. I mean, who says that? Or more importantly, why don't ppl say that? I really love that kid. It's so sad that next week is their last week. I will miss all of my kids. :(
Oh! And! I finished Mists of Avalon!!! Finally! Good book, altho the ending was a bit sad and open-ended. Now I can watch the mini-series!

Ok, I believe u are now all up to date. I'm gonna go change my bio now (Emily, u'll appreciate this) and then read Arielle's letter. Followed by growing dread about tomorrow's last (I hope) lesson.
Hope to update later, if I dont crash tomorrow! (ahhhhhhhh!!!) DRIVING BAD!

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[23 Jul 2001|10:12am]

[ mood | awake ]

Hellooooo out there..
I am leaving in like 1/2 hour to go see America's Sweethearts with some friends...and then walk around this mall..I dont necessarily really want to see that movie, but that's okay.

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Hey Guys!!! [22 Jul 2001|06:33pm]

[ mood | thirsty ]

Hey everyone!!! Look at this wonderful "community" I just created!!! Feel free to post and chat!!! I miss you all!!!

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